Postpartum Depression – My Experience

When the world is soaking in the warmth of love and passion on this Valentine’s day , I have something to share with you ALL.  A candid one ? Yeah and NO , but I ought to share it with you ALL . It’s just that I was a prey for postpartum depression.

As every other mom to be , I was all excited to receive my baby , though I suffered terrible mood swings,sleeplessness and irritability (thanks to my hormones) during my pregnancy phase. I entered the labor room as if I was supposed to win a war 😛 . But the 12-13 hours of labor pain, contractions , the smell of medicines , doctors , nurses , frequent BP checks I grew more and more tired.

Now you won’t believe this . When the doctor showed me my baby , I wasn’t excited , I didn’t cry like ‘ its my baby I had been waiting for 9 long months’.. I was not thrilled AT ALL; amazing isn’t ? I just saw my baby and told my doctor “Hmmm..  “.

My gyno was puzzled , she asked me “Sangeetha aren’t you happy ? “. I remember telling her “Yeah I am yeah oh yeah..hmmm..aahh.. it’s just that I am tired.. ” and then I slipped off to a mild sleep.

It was just then a nurse came in and asked me to walk . Oh man how could I walk , but I felt confident I walked easily and reached my bed. Anshika was being dressed up while I started feeling guilty , I always wanted an angel, a daughter but when our daughter was born, all my feelings disappeared it seemed !

The nurse gave my baby , I fed her and I looked at her small doe eyes, tiny hands and feet which reminded me of a bunch of small bananas stacked together. I touched her rose delicate smooth skin. I was transferred to my room and there started my saga of emotions.

My hubby was not there at the time of delivery and I was missing him terribly. I grew impatient, moody, irritable. I was crying and feeling low , somewhere deep down you feel you have lost something. The constant feeding , crying , feeding, pooping, crying marathon went on and on. I cried helpless, I seriously didn’t know I was being a prey for post natal depression though my parents, inlaws and cousins were there around to help me.

When my hubby came to see me hours later , all I did was hug and ask him “Take me back with you , let’s go to Mumbai “. I still remember the dialogues between us , he told me “so how about our baby , our angel , don’t you want her ? We will take her too with us back to Mumbai “. You won’t believe what I told him “No let the baby be here . It’s just crying-pooping-sleeping-again-crying-feeding-pooping , let’s go back , take me back please ,  I want to run ” 😛 . My hubby laughed a lot, little did he knew that I had post natal depression meanwhile I cried and was feeling low all for no reason.

1-2 weeks passed by , the mother daughter bonding started and now If I look back at what ever I told at that point of time I feel “errrks , was it really me, so childlike ” !! The baby blues left me within 2 weeks and I grew more and more closer to my daughter , I realized how blessed I am to be a mother , to be a medium for bringing a life see this world.

Post 6 months of baby , I read a lot about pregnancy, baby and motherhood as part of my blog preparations . Then the whole matter of postpartum depression came into light for me, I never knew it existed , Oh god I had postpartum depression , I went through the baby blues , Gosh..

I discussed this with my friends and one of them has blackmailed me that she would share all the dialogues I had with my hubby during that phase to my daughter when she grows up. Yes when Anshika grows up and reaches that phase, I will tell her what I went through and how I acted funny when she was born. I will share my experience of postpartum depression with her.

• What is Postpartum depression / Postnatal depression ?

According to experts and medical science about 80% of women experience postpartum depression soon after having baby which could last up to 2-3 weeks. It goes away on its own. The mother-child bonding starts from within and the baby blues fade away with time.

Women who suffered miscarriage/s often go through postnatal depression.

• What are the symptoms of Postnatal depression / anxiety ?

Sadness, sleeplessness, mood swings , crying for no reason , feeling low with negative thoughts , anxiety and irritability are all symptoms of postnatal depression.

• How can I overcome postnatal depression ?

Well as I said , postnatal depression or postpartum depression goes away on its own. When you have elders or help around you to help with your baby and to support you , the recovery becomes pretty much easier. Have plenty of mee mee time whenever you can , love yourself, be positive and take good care of yourself 🙂

Usually counselling is found to be much effective in severe cases.

How about you ? Did you have that initial bonding between you and your child ? Please share with me.